Raymond skiet wild en mis teiken met elke skoot

Onse Raymond skuur skouers met Hugh Everett, Bryce Seligman DeWitt, en Michio Kaku

For updates, new stories, and additional comment, click here to follow @DrewanBaird on twitter

Drewan Baird. Oudtshoorn. 20 Augustus 2014. 07h45. Nee kyk, nóú het ek áls gehoor!

Raymond Wildschut, die DA se raadslid vir wyk 11, het laas Vrydag bedank. Hy’t niemand gesê nie. Benewens Raymond, het slegs vyf mense van die bedanking geweet.

Verskeie mense, toe hulle van die bedanking gehoor het, was hoegeneaamd nie verbaas nie, want Raymond het al dae lank gesê hy gaan bedank.

Maar Maandagoggend, toe weet Raymond van g’n bedanking nie. Maar toe is dit al deur die OVK en die koeël tussen die pastoor se ore deur. En dan is daar natuurlik die regsgesag oor sulke sake wat Raymond se politieke Alzheimers nou nie juis as ‘n rêrige kwaal erken nie.

Raymond het verskeie stories. Die een is so heerlik soos ‘n Jan Spies-storie soos die ander:

“Ek het nie bedank nie”;

“Ek het nie geteken nie”;

“My handtekening is vervals”

“Ek het geteken”;

“Dit was ‘n ‘cut and paste’ job”;

“Dis nie my handtekening nie”;

“Ek het nie gelees wat ek teken nie” (Die brief bestaan uit één sin!);

“Ek het gedog ek teken om uit ‘n maatskappy te bedank”…

Ek kan vanoggend verklaar wat eintlik gebeur het: Raymond het in een van die vele parallelle heelalle van ons veelal inderdaad die brief onderteken, en die brief is toe deur ‘n lukrake wormhole in ons bepaalde heelal ingesuig. Daarom is die brief hiér, en Raymond se herinnering dáár.

Néé, ek is ernstig!

The many-worlds interpretation is an interpretation of quantum mechanics that asserts the objective reality of theuniversal wavefunction and denies the actuality of wavefunction collapse. Many-worlds implies that all possiblealternative histories and futures are real, each representing an actual “world” (or “universe”). In lay terms, the hypothesis states there is a very large – perhaps infinite – number of universes, and everything that could possibly have happened in our past, but did not, has occurred in the past of some other universe or universes. The theory is also referred to as MWI, the relative state formulation, the Everett interpretation, the theory of the universal wavefunction, many-universes interpretation, or just many-worlds.

In many-worlds, the subjective appearance of wavefunction collapse is explained by the mechanism of quantum decoherence, and this is supposed to resolve all of the correlation paradoxes of quantum theory, such as the EPR paradox and Schrödinger’s cat, since every possible outcome of every event defines or exists in its own “history” or “world”.

Die DA se plaaslike soi disant kragman, Chris MacPherson (NP, NNP, ANC, Cope, DA…) het óók gisteraand bedank – maar hy weet dit nog nie, want daar het nog nie weer ‘n wormhole in ons heelal oopgemaak sedert Raymond se briefie hier uit outer space aangewaai het nie.

Chris sal vanoggend moontlik onthou dat hy niks geteken het nie, maar teen laatmiddag behoort hy te vergeet het dat hy niks geteken het nie.

Die DA op Oudtshoorn. Godsk, dis om van histeries te lag:

~ Peter Roberts wil niks met die ander te doen hê nie, want hy sê die ander het gekroek met die Nel-skikking;
~ Sommige wil Pierre Nel verwyder hê en het stilswygend toegekyk hoe die munisipaliteit die DA se vuilwerk in die Wes-Kaapse Hoë Hof doen;
~ Nel sê Peter Roberts sal oor sy dooie liggaam weer in die DA koukus dien;
~ Roberts woon koukusvergaderings by;
~Verskeie sê openlik hulle vertrou Wessie van der Westhuizen nie, want hy vertel al die DA-dinge vir die ANC;
~ ‘n Paar sê Chris MacPherson het hulle bedrieg oor die Nel-skikking;
~ Sommige, en ‘n senior voormalige lid van die kiesafdelingskomitee erken dat die mislukte oorname van 31 Mei verlede, was ‘n helse fout;
~ Die koalisie-vennoot, John Maxim – eerwáárde John Maxim – is nie meer ‘n raadslid nie;
~ Nel het ‘n daad van insolvensie gepleeg;
~ Raymond Wildschut het bedank;
~ Die wit DA mans braai saam;
~ Die bruin DA koukus-lede hou vergaderings in ‘n plaaslike hotel…

Madame Chiang Kai-Shek se skerp samevatting kom by my op: “Every clique is a refuge for incompetence. It fosters corruption and disloyalty, it begets cowardice, and consequently is a burden upon and a drawback to… progress… Its instincts and actions are those of the pack.”

There are, regrettably, invertebrate idiots who don’t know their gluteal clefts from their olecranon processes, yet arrogate capacity to govern a town like Oudtshoorn… while they can’t run a beach in Bloem. By the Pau’ans, Utapauns and Ancients of Utapau; and by the giant sapient Phlogs of Genesia; and by Lwothin, leader of the P’w’eck Emancipation Movement. Ye gods & faeries. Unbloodybelievable.

Kyk, die DA se onbeskryflike onkapabelheid – mense, om ‘n derde van die regering se raadslede aan jou kant te hê, soos die DA op 31 Mei verlede jaar gehad het, en stééds nie die raad te kan oorneem nie, is so verdomp onkapabel dat sulke mense nie vertrou kan word om te keer dat ‘n leë stoor sonder ‘n deur besteel word nie!

En, my magtag, wie wil nou raadslede hê wat nie weet wát hulle teken, en óf hulle geteken het nie – soos in beide die Nel-skikking en Raymond se bedanking!

If you are wondering about the headline of this story, the original relative state formulation is due to Hugh Everett in 1957. Later, this formulation was popularized and renamed many-worlds by Bryce Seligman DeWitt in the 1960s and 1970s.

Michio Kaku is a popular science writer. He explains the unexplainable plainly. Love the man.

And if yopu think parallel universes improbable, or even impossible, here are some arguments that your average DA member will lap up:

e. e. cummings said, “listen: there’s a hell of a good universe next door; let’s go.”

In The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, C. S. Lewis tells this conversation:

“But do you really mean, sir,” said Peter, “that there could be other worlds – all over the place, just around the corner – like that?”

“Nothing is more probable,” said the professor… while he muttered to himself, “I wonder what they do teach them at these schools.”

And then, of course, the ultimate proof – from the reality show Star Trek, episode Mirror, Mirror… Captain Kirk is accidentally transported to a bizarre parallel universe (one very like the universe in which Raymond signed his resignation letter). In that universe Spock wears a menacing beard and Kirk leads a band of ravenous pirates, advancing by enslaving their rivals and assassinating their superiors…

Listen up, Raymond, “you’re out!”

laughing9
______________________________

Sources:
2009. Kaku, Michio. Physics of the Impossible. Penguin Books. London.
Wikipedia

2 thoughts on “Raymond skiet wild en mis teiken met elke skoot

  1. Raymond- Ek wonder net wat sê Residents4 Change- ook DA lede nou. Nou het ek al alles gehoor. Jy weet dat ek en jy albie weet dat hier/daar waar jy nou is- aan jouself te danke is. Jy kon nou in ‘n baie beter posisie gewees het. Nou het slim sy baas gevang of het die berg die bobbejaan ingehol. Sterkte ou maat met die nuwe rigting wat jy inslaan. Mag dit beter as die politiek gaan.

  2. Every cloud
    Please take note
    EVERY cloud HAS A SILVER LINING.
    even in OUDTSHOORN.

    With no disicions, just divisions and suspicions around
    There are no unfruitful moneys and promises bound.

    OUDSTHOORN, you have never had it so good.
    A community with no communication
    Is a community destined for starvation.
    Luckily there is sand
    Luckily there are ostriches
    They keep us amused.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s