A mathematical evaluation
Drewan Baird. Oudtshoorn. 10 August 2013. 12h30. My walging aan Wessie van der Westhuizen en Piet Luiters en Jurie Harmse se halfsentgodsdiens toe hulle “Die Here” Donderdag rumoerig gedank het vir Die se roeping tot redding van Oudtshoorn, het my maar net weer van voor af die ongebreidelde inherente onnoselheid van die politieke maatskappy laat besef…
Political stupidity, like any other fundamental force of nature, can be understood by noting that it obeys certain basic principles, or laws. In order to fully appreciate stupidity in its various forms, we must therefore first understand what are known as the Five Fundamental Laws of Political Stupidity.
I. Political Stupidity occurs in discreet units whose numerical value can only be expressed as a prime number.
As will be demonstrated below political stupidity, in its natural state, invariably occurs in amounts that cannot be evenly divided. This forms part of the reason as to why there is always enough stupidity to be assigned to both sides of any action with a remainder to be assigned to other, possibly unrecognized, factors.
II. One political stupid object, when combined with another political stupid object, results in a new political object whose total stupidity represents the sum of the amounts of political stupidity originally present in the two objects raised to the nearest, greater prime number.
This concept is best explained mathematically.
If one combines the two smallest units of political stupidity, assigning to each unit a value of 1, and then attempts to divide the combined units into equal portions one will find that one subsequently has more stupidity than one had to begin with. Mathematically:
1 + 1 ≠ 2, but instead 1 + 1 ≥ 3
In the same manner
7 + 5 ≥ 13
This law explains why the supply of political stupidity will always exceed the demand.
III. A political stupid object, regardless of whether it is stationary or in motion, will remain a stupid object until it interacts with another object possessing a quantity of stupidity equal to, or greater than, the amount of stupidity present in the first object.
In order to set political stupidity into motion, one must first overcome the stupidity that naturally occurs as a consequence of simply sitting there and doing nothing. Since stupidity is always waiting to be set into motion, all that is required is the addition of more stupidity. However, one must add an amount of stupidity that is at least equal to, and preferably greater than, the amount of inert or resting stupidity. In other words, one arrives at a stupid result quicker if one adds more stupidity to the original conditions.
IV. Any political stupid object will attract another political stupid object with a force that varies directly with the square of the distance separating the two objects.
While gravity may be the weakest of the fundamental forces, stupidity is by far the strongest. This is because the attractive force between two stupid objects is known to increase in direct proportion to the square of the distance separating the two objects.
If x is the relative distance between two stupid objects then the strength of attractive stupidity, s, between the objects is given by
s = x^2
This law (also known as the Law of Universal Stupidity) explains why, no matter how far one attempts to separate them, two or more acts of stupidity will always come together at the worst possible moment.
V. Political stupidity can be created but never destroyed
Although this law cannot be proven mathematically, there has never been a scientifically-proven case of the destruction of political stupidity.
It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it… Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
Dit is duidelik, volgens Wessie, Luiters en Harmse, dat “Die Here” Sy maaind gechange het oor Oudtshoorn – verskeie male: 2007; 2010; en nou 2013. Synde ek in die onlangse verlede gepeper is met eise om my “veranderde mening” te verduidelik, wonder ek of Hy ook tot verantwoording geroep gaan word…
1. August 15, 2008. Roberts, Wayne. The Five Fundamental Laws of Stupidity. Yahoo! Contributor Network.
2. 1980. Adams, Douglas. The Restaurant at the end of the universe.