Pelham Proctalgia

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Oudtshoorn. 15 December 2012. 07h45. No. I did not steal ORPA money as Graham Pelham cries.

The matter was raised in December 2011 as well, and I addressed it in January 2012. The letter is attached below.

Given the farcical way Pelham deals with facts – from opposing Adult World through opposing the Mosque to interfering in Principia to opposing the flight school – it is little wonder that there are questions about funds and contributions and the management thereof… by a Pelham in the Pelham residence and out of a small cash box with domestic IOU’s, in the early days, and to my expressed horror at the time.

The timing of this recurring obfuscation coincides with O!O – and me personally – moving from hero to zero with ORPA. O!O used to be the best thing since sliced bread when O!O provided every detail of municipal maladministration fuelling ORPA’s obsession with public acceptance.

On May 7 last year Ms Pelham still purred over my work on her new ORPA logo: “Oe maar jy is darm amazing met woorde“, bad spelling and all.

She should have paid the ORPA bills rather.

But when O!O realised the enormous benefits of an international flight school in town and publicly endorsed and promoted it, O!O became leprous. Because O!O did not serve the Pelham agenda.

What sorrow to me personally. What devastation and grief.

And about the socalled “ORPA Intelligence” – where was it when ORPA claimed the November 2010 resolution was a fake? Where was it when O!O exposed the Sokopo VAT Recovery outrage this week? Probably dreaming up new “facts” about AIFA.

Please Pelham, please take this pecuniary matter further. I can hardly wait for my well informed legal counsel to question certain members of the ORPA executive.

As the much reduced ORPA debt to my small consultancy was not attended to in January, for reasons best kept private between men Pelham, I now claim the full charge. The invoice is attached too.

No, really Pelham, believe you me, you don’t want to go there. It was during one of those periods of Pelham poriomania. And it goes to intimate domestic ties.

While the invoice is considered, Pelham should maybe also consider why an ORPA media invoice is still outstanding after more than a year. Especially as Pelham appears to be extremely concerned about my personal finances.

By the way, I have heard from an impeccable source that ORPA told the lawyer tasked to recoever the media debt that I am responsible!

Ye gods and faeries. It’s ORPA being sued…

Whereas I am strapped from time to time, Pelham is a man of substantial means: He claims to have abandoned US$100,000,000 just to get peace of mind. Apparently he pays, monthly by repatriated money which also helps Pravin of course, R3.8 million “in hard currency salaries, to Oudtshoorn, George and Mosselbay (sic)” residents – a high net worth dollar multi-millionaire some several times over – the kind of resident we poor Oudtshoorn sods should venerate. (Yes, that is one hundred million dollars – some substantial way towards one billion, a thousand million, rand.) Pelham pleionosis.

For the civic organisation, run by the spouse of such a man as Pelham, to be indebted to a local publication and a small boutique agency while the husband criticises another is, frankly, pretty… rich.

I am willing, able, and keen to meet each, every and all individuals convinced he, she, or they have a case against me in public court. Issue summons; I’ll be ready.

What I am not prepared to do is meet with people who consort with someone whose Brobdingnag imagination regularly manifests in voluminous bosh assuming a sophistry with which he ofttimes bores a captured audience of one, or two, to tears – with preposterous tarradiddles of global forces uniting against a village in the Klein Karoo: The moral decay of us bucolic bums through Adult World; the Muslim invasion through the mosque; the Chinese invasion through the flight school… Pelham pleniloquence.

André van Greuenen, one of the most upstanding men I have ever met and the bearer of two Paul Harris Awards among other accolades; Morné Jonker; Pine Pienaar; the Oudtshoorn Business Chamber; the Aero Club; Agri SA; AVIC; AIFA; TFASA… all at some time or the other “exposed” by the Pelham Intelligence; “knowingly complicit in unlawful conduct”.

The Pelham protervity. Ye gods and faeries.

Among the Pelham pack are bald faced racists and xenophobics issuing copious emails spitting hatred and prejudice to every man and his dog. Among the Pelham pack are people who openly declare that they are not interested in finding a solution to the “flight school problem”; they just want the flight school gone out of “their” town. Among the Pelham pack are people who telephone time after time after time after time at all hours to rant and rave about how their personal lives are complicated by the flight school. Among the Pelham pack are people who confront young flight school cadets in public places and accuse them of being part of “those people who fly over my house all the time”. Among the Pelham pack are people who reject birth control and oppose abortion – in the 2020’s! Among the Pelham pack are people who believe in absurdities such as “transubstantiation” and “assumption”. Google the concepts which may perhaps not be generally known. Among the Pelham pack are people who deny the flight school has substantial economic benefit for Oudtshoorn.

Take such people seriously!? Purleaze!

Now, Pelham and company, as one of my favourite story characters once told a couple of ancient renown: “Be fruitful and multiply.”

I guess I have this single worry: Who’ll get me? James Bond himself? Pelham seems a bit skraal. But then again, he’s probably a Ninja who once missed out on a heavyweight title fight because he had to save the world in central Africa – among other things such as being a sergeant and a colonel and a spy and…

R500. R500!? I’d like to know what’s happened to the other contributions that went into the little silver cash box. And did the IOU’s for household expenses, during that time of Poriomania, add up?

Minime! Non est! Ego fui! Semper ego! Ego facinus feci! Atque gaudeo me fecisse! Hahahae! Tantummodo iocabar.

No worries, my longsuffering readers, I suspect Pelham is also a classical scholar.

And herewith ends all exposure for the Pelham causes. It’s not as if they’ll pay for it. The best contributions on this piece will be published. A bottle of red for the best one.

____________________
Proctalgia – pain in the backside;
Poriomania – wanderlust;
Pleionosis – exaggeration of own importance;
Pleniloquence – plentitude of talking;
Protervity – petulance.

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10 thoughts on “Pelham Proctalgia

  1. Like a very wise man once said “Ja well, no fine broer!”
    I distinctly remember the very last time i watched or glanced at 7e Laan (To those in higher circles of education, it is an Afrikaans soapie which gives meaning to the lives of hundreds of thousands and clever exposure to dozens of products which are slipped into the scenes). I was eating spaghetti bolognaise in front of the tv and flipping through channels while waiting for the news. I managed to get myseslf enthralled by the extremely intricate and complicated plot of the last 10 minutes of 7e Laan episode 2345. Then the moment of truth came – There was a spy plotting a devious scheme – she was going to ruin the life of one of the main characters by stealing – wait for it – her boerewors recipe. Apart from the fact that Checkers/Shoprite got some great marketing from this episode it just made me realise that – as Jacques mentioned in his comment – we are fucked.
    The whole school yard fight and petty kak being sent to all and sundry regarding the conflict between the Pelhams and Baird should be sent to the producers of 7e Laan – it is shit of extremely high viewer interest and should not be kept away from the masses who thrive on petty kak while all around them life is falling apart and by all indications the wold as we know it will cease to exist on 21 December.

  2. @ The Guardian: Good point. Too often an attempt is made to assess the Sino-South African dynamic using as the only analytical tool an individual relationship with the local Chinese corner-shop owner. The relationship is in fact complex, sophisticated and, if managed well could be beneficial for both sides. I was in Beijing in September/October for the National Day festivities on Tiananmen Square: The celebration this year was poignant as it was the last for outgoing Hu Jintao in the runup to handing over power to incoming Xi Jinping (I have in the past met personally both men – and the storied Bo Xilai in Chongqin before he fell). Long-standing friends in Beijing have risen to most senior positions in the government, and in the CCP – and obviously with them the conversation turned to the texture of the relationship between Africa and China: like all bilateral relationships, the primary motivation is national interest – but the Chinese definition of national interest is a long-term one which emphasises the establishment of positive, friendly, mutually beneficial relations, rather than short-term one-sided exploitation which seems to be the worry of so many people. Importantly, in my personal discussions with them the Chinese articulate an understanding that their presence is as entrepreneurs and therefore employment-creators rather than as employees taking posts that could be filled by local people. There is a genuine concern that a constructive ‘friendly’ relationship is established between our countries. Obviously there is many a slip twixt cup and lip, especially at local level, but if Oudtshoorn manages the relationship with China intelligently there are potentially massive – and I mean massive – economic benefits for the whole town in a variety of sectors, including tourism: the Chinese are wealthy, numerous, adventurous travelers. A good step in this direction may be to establish a twinning agreement with a Chinese city.
    To stress again, the relationship needs to be managed properly, and collectively – which is where the Besigheidskamer becomes the key partner. As Guardian says:‘The Chinese aren’t the “Red danger”, it is us ourselves who pose a threat to ourselves and others.’

  3. 2 questions to the Pelham’s and co. 1. Who kept Oudtshoorn going during the avian influenza? 2. What kept the economy in Oudtshoorn from falling apart after the worldwide economic slump? The answer to both is not Mr Pelham’s virtuous, or generous doleing out of the “hundred’s and thousands” he has, but only the bare fact that there was someone who saw a opportunity, a niche, if I may use the cliche, to revamp the airport and utilise it to put us back on the map. The Chinese aren’t the “Red danger”, it is us ourselves who pose a threat to ourselves and others.

  4. Gertruida… Ek dink jou kommentaar is selfs meer tersaaklik as wat jy dink dit is. Great comment. Great comment. Baie nodige kommentaar. Ek neem dit ter harte.

  5. Ek kry die indruk dat julle julself en mekaar ernstig opneem. Wat ‘n grap. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…

  6. Jerry Springer se volgende reeks word op die Pelhams se voorstoep geskied. Julle almal is ‘n donnerse verleentheid vir ons dorp. Get a life and grow up. Stop hierdie kinderagtige sneesdoekie geveg.

  7. I see Lizanne Pelham has ranted on about this thread.

    I am in no mood to enter into debate with the Pelham pack. If they so wish, I am happy – keen even – to meet them in court.

    O, and Wes, Pelham thinks you are me, or I you. Sorry mate, it’s a Pelham, what can I say?

  8. Maybe the Pelhams and co are so concerned with the flight school because they cannot gain from it. Maybe mr Van Greunen and the musty chamber never speaks out against council because they do gain from poor governance. Maybe there are still many questions to be asked of all these very important men. As for the rest of us, maybe we’re fucked.

  9. “Among the Pelham pack are bald faced racists and xenophobics issuing copious emails spitting hatred and prejudice to every man and his dog. Among the Pelham pack are people who openly declare that they are not interested in finding a solution to the ‘flight school problem’; they just want the flight school gone out of ‘their’ town. Among the Pelham pack are people who telephone time after time after time after time at all hours to rant and rave about how their personal lives are complicated by the flight school. Among the Pelham pack are people who confront young flight school cadets in public places and accuse them of being part of ‘those people who fly over my house all the time’. Among the Pelham pack are people who reject birth control and oppose abortion – in the 2020’s! Among the Pelham pack are people who believe in absurdities such as ‘transubstantiation’ and ‘assumption’. Take such people seriously!? Purleaze!”

    Indeed.

  10. Ek lees maar skryf nie maar hierdie goed moes LANKAL gesê gewees het.

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