The local DA’s cunning plan for Oudtshoorn

A plan so cunning, you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel!

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Oudtshoorn. 13 September 2012. 06h30. Noujawellfaain.

This is the plan of the local DA kitchen cabinet… the brains trust:

Join forces and work together with the ANC and eliminate the power and influence of the two niggling parties, the NPP and Icosa.

Once the excellent DA councillors (!) team up with the likes of Erik Ngalo, Nondumiso Gunguluza, Gertrude Philips, Charlie Wagenaar; and maybe even Jeremia Goliath and Lea Stalmeester; it will be o so easy to get rid of Gordon April and the two clots from the NPP and Icosa, Johannes Stoffels and Vlancio Donson.

Hendrik Ruiters, Pieter Luiters, Jurie Harmse, and Hendrik Botha is then simply regulated into obscurity and Oudtshoorn’s woes are past.

Dressed in red bikini bottoms over blue thermal underwear and with matching red capes our krypton oozing superheroes will eject Thandekile Mnyimba and all the nasties lurking in the halls of Verwoerd Sq and build a new Oudtshoorn on a hill.

The current plan with Mnyimba (well, I haven’t checked this morning and the plans are changing fast) is to give him a lesser job, but keep him in Oudtshoorn at all cost. The NPP is, apparently, happy with this plan; Icosa didn’t understand the previous plans either.

There is, methinks, just one little matter the scintilating solution sellers may want to consider… the idea must somehow be gotten past Helen Zille and Marius Fransman.

Fransman probably thinks there is some honey yet in this dry pot and can hardly afford policing eyes at the tills.

Zille is only interested in Oudtshoorn as an example of ANC FUBARing to be used whenever next voters somewhere, anywhere, have to be wheedled into supporting bankrupt political plans.

Zille, if memory serves, was quite recently willing to fire any councillor caught not curtsying; Fransman wanted dissenting Ngalo and Gunguluza blood just the aother day.

Cape Town rules Oudtshoorn, and the locals want to party together.

The DA ran Oudtshoorn into the ground for three years until August 2010; the ANC perfected the carnage since.

Now they want to join forces!?

The pantheons help us!

Wacky plans.

O boy!

Ya’all might enjoy these plans, from Blackadder and Baldrick:

Baldrick: Have you got a plan, my lord?
Blackadder: Yes I have, and it’s so cunning you can brush your teeth with it!
Blackadder: I’ve got a plan so cunning, you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel!
Baldrick: Don’t worry, Mr B.! I have a cunning plan to solve your problem.
Blackadder: Yes, but let us not forget that you solved the problem of your mother’s low ceiling by cutting off her head.
[After Baldrick suggests a cunning plan of joining the Catering Corps to get out of the trenches.]
Blackadder: There is however one slight flaw in the plan; you’re the worst cook in the entire world!
Baldrick: Oh yeah.
Blackadder: There are amoeba on Saturn who could boil a better egg than you. Your filet mignons in sauce bernaise look like dog turds in glue!
Baldrick: That’s because they are.
Blackadder: Your plum duff tastes like it’s a molehill decorated with rabbit droppings.
Baldrick: I thought you wouldn’t notice…
Blackadder: And your cream custard has the texture of cat vomit.
Baldrick: Again, it’s…
Blackadder: If you were to serve up one of your meals at Staff HQ, you’d be arrested for the greatest mass poisoning since Lucretia Borgia invited 500 of her close friends for a wine and anthrax party!
[Baldrick explains his cunning plan to save the Prince.]
Baldrick: Well, I just thought; this Wellington bloke’s been in Europe for years. You don’t know what he looks like, he don’t know what you look like, so why don’t you get someone else to fight the duel instead of you?
The Prince Regent: But I’m the Prince Regent! My portrait hangs on every wall!
Blackadder: Answer that, Baldrick.
Baldrick: Well, my cousin Bert Baldrick, Mr. Gainsborough’s butler’s dogsbody, says that he’s heard all portraits look the same these days, ’cause they’re painted to a romantic ideal, rather than as a true depiction of the idiosyncratic facial qualities of the person in question.
[Blackadder and the Prince look astonished]
Blackadder: Your cousin Bert obviously has a larger vocabulary than you do.
Blackadder: Baldrick, I have a very, very, very cunning plan.
Baldrick: Is it as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on, and is now working for the UN at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning?
Blackadder: Yes, it is.
Baldrick: Mm… That’s cunning!
Baldrick: I have… a plan, sir.
Blackadder: Really, Baldrick? A cunning and subtle one?
Baldrick: Yes, sir.
Blackadder: As cunning as a fox who’s just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?
Baldrick: Yes, sir.

Ye gods and faeries!

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