Die DA se plan met Oudtshoorn

Botha; Bredell; Bekker; Blackadder; en Baldrick – uiteindelik: besonderhede!

Nuus met méning!

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Volg OO op twitter: oudtshoorno en facebook: Drewan Baird

Drewan Baird. Oudtshoorn. 26 April 2012. 08h20. Ek lees in die Oudtshoorn Courant, wat klaarblyklik die voordeel van ‘n respons op navrae van die DA ontvang het, dat die plaaslike woordvoerder, Peter Roberts, sou gesê het Saterdag se DA-vergadering met Bredell, Botha en Bekker het hoofsaaklik gehandel oor die waarde wat die DA kan toevoeg tot die ontwikkeling van Oudtshoorn deur die ontwikkeling van die mense van Oudtshoorn.

Nóú verstaan ek!

Die stelling trek vir my vrééslik op een van my gunsteling gesprekke in die “lettere” – tussen Blackadder en sy saaidkiek, Baldrick, in die BBC se komedie-reeks van die 80’s, Blackadder:

Blackadder: Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words “I have a cunning plan” marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?

Baldrick: They certainly are, sir!

Blackadder: Well, forgive me if I don’t do a cartwheel of joy. Your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?

Baldrick: We do nothing.

Blackadder: Yup. It’s another world-beater!

Baldrick: No, wait. We do nothing… until our heads have actually been cut off.

Blackadder: And then we… spring into action?

Baldrick: Exactly! You know how when you cut a chicken’s head off, it runs round and round the farmyard and then out the gate?

Blackadder: [haltingly] Yyyyyyyeah…?

Baldrick: Well, we wait until our heads have been cut off, then we run round and round, out the gate, and escape! What do you think?

Blackadder: My opinions are rather difficult to express in words, Baldrick. So perhaps I can put it this way… [tweaks Baldrick’s nose]

Die gesprekke tussen Blackadder en Baldrick is eintlik verstommend tersaaklik en kan as verwysing dien vir die uitkomstes van die DA-planne van die verlede… en, hoogs waarskynlik, van die huidige.

Geniet!

Baldrick: Have you got a plan, my lord?
Blackadder: Yes I have, and it’s so cunning you can brush your teeth with it!
____________________
Blackadder: I’ve got a plan so cunning, you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel!
____________________
Baldrick: Don’t worry, Mr B.! I have a cunning plan to solve your problem.
Blackadder: Yes, but let us not forget that you solved the problem of your mother’s low ceiling by cutting off her head.
____________________
[After Baldrick suggests a cunning plan of joining the Catering Corps to get out of the trenches.]
Blackadder: There is however one slight flaw in the plan; you’re the worst cook in the entire world!
Baldrick: Oh yeah.
Blackadder: There are amoeba on Saturn who could boil a better egg than you. Your filet mignons in sauce bernaise look like dog turds in glue!
Baldrick: That’s because they are.
Blackadder: Your plum duff tastes like it’s a molehill decorated with rabbit droppings.
Baldrick: I thought you wouldn’t notice…
Blackadder: And your cream custard has the texture of cat vomit.
Baldrick: Again, it’s…
Blackadder: If you were to serve up one of your meals at Staff HQ, you’d be arrested for the greatest mass poisoning since Lucretia Borgia invited 500 of her close friends for a wine and anthrax party!
____________________
[Baldrick explains his cunning plan to save the Prince.]
Baldrick: Well, I just thought; this Wellington bloke’s been in Europe for years. You don’t know what he looks like, he don’t know what you look like, so why don’t you get someone else to fight the duel instead of you?
The Prince Regent: But I’m the Prince Regent! My portrait hangs on every wall!
Blackadder: Answer that, Baldrick.
Baldrick: Well, my cousin Bert Baldrick, Mr. Gainsborough’s butler’s dogsbody, says that he’s heard all portraits look the same these days, ’cause they’re painted to a romantic ideal, rather than as a true depiction of the idiosyncratic facial qualities of the person in question.
[Blackadder and the Prince look astonished]
Blackadder: Your cousin Bert obviously has a larger vocabulary than you do.
____________________
Blackadder: Baldrick, I have a very, very, very cunning plan.
Baldrick: Is it as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on, and is now working for the UN at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning?
Blackadder: Yes, it is.
Baldrick: Mm… That’s cunning!
____________________
Baldrick: I have… a plan, sir.
Blackadder: Really, Baldrick? A cunning and subtle one?
Baldrick: Yes, sir.
Blackadder: As cunning as a fox who’s just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?
Baldrick: Yes, sir.
____________________

Berge val op ons; heuwels bedek ons.

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4 thoughts on “Die DA se plan met Oudtshoorn

  1. Helen Zille just tweeted these key success factors to make the Western Cape work: Innovation, investment, institutions, inclusion, infrastructure.

    Ditto for Oudtshoorn!?

    How to achieve this! How to achieve this!

  2. Tja, boet.

    Brose ego’tjies.

    Dun velletjies.

    Die gevolg van onbekwaamheid.

  3. OO- ek kan nou nie mooi verstaan nie en ek kan jou belowe dat ek nie die domste was in standerd 4 nie, as Saterdag hoofsaaklik gehandel het oor die waarde wat die DA kan toevoeg toe die ontwikkeling van Oudtshoorn, waarvoor kon OO nie die vergadering bywoon nie, dit is mos nou glad nie so ‘n geheimsinnige aangeleendheid nie.

  4. Talks about talks and the good old DA and their Provincial masters still discussing the blueprints for making a “silk purse out of a sows ear!”

    Now that’s a plan Oudtshoorn’s ratepayers and residents will greatly appreciate, seeing there is nothing to put in the purse when its made?

    Fools!

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